Why do I feel guilty when sticking up for myself? When someone else throws their opinions at me, I accept their point of view and then carry on with life, albeit a little surprised at how narrow minded, shallow and selfish some people can be. But why do I feel guilty when it’s my turn to start throwing my opinion around / sticking up for what I believe in / flying the flag for team Ando?
Each year as I grow as a person, I discover more about myself and how to deal with little challenges. The person I have become is a farcry from the socially inept and arrogant little shit I was as a teenager. The biggest surprise is the inherent people skills I never thought I possessed. I am able to use these people skills daily on my job, on the weekend with friends and when meeting new people. My horizons have consistently broadened and I hope this continues on my journey through life.
It’s my wife’s birthday today, and I owe her immensely for her never ending support. I believe we all take for granted the love and support extended by family and must cherish every moment we can spend in their company. Amy comes from a lovely family and the values they have instilled in her are one of her many qualities. Yesterday we celebrated Amy’s birthday in the Swan Valley, surrounded by friends and family.
Whilst celebrating, a relatively insignificant ordeal occurred, no one would have any idea it even happened, but it did. As trivial as the incident was, it highlighted this guilt issue that I experience when sticking up for what I believe in. I’m a straight shooter and a bit of an authoritarian when it comes to rules governing anything from the construction of a website, enforcing team culture or the rules of a game. When people break rules and etiquette to suit their own agenda, I find it hard to understand why a task is even being carried out in the first place. To cheat rules, is to cheat one’s self. Anyone who thinks differently is fucking kidding themselves. Anyways, on this occasion I took the bull by the horns and stood my ground, despite how much of an anally retentive prick I may have portrayed myself to be. What amused me was the usual tactics and mind games employed by people to get what they want out of a situation can be thrown out the door in a nanosecond in order to play the martyr/victim. I won the battle and the war, which was not well received at all… hehehe.
I sit here and type this for therapeutic reasons, performing a dichotomy, attempting to view the situation from the outside and through my own eyes. Given my authoritarian nature of conducting a task by the rules that govern it, I am very good at being objective. I believe this objectivity is the reason for this post topic – feeling the guilt when standing up for myself.
By being objective, I’m effectively experiencing the same annoying discomfort of someone’s shithouse opinion. By being objective I’m experiencing my own shithouse opinion through the eyes of the second party and this is what makes me feel guilty.
I think I need to stop caring what others think, the same way they don’t care what I think! I’ll take a leaf out of Amy’s book, she’s damn quick to dismiss an opinion she doesn’t agree with, and once that’s done, she forgets she heard the words in the first place. Happy Birthday you beautiful girl 
