First up, massive props to my little bro for organising such an awesome day of fun. It was probably the most fun I’d had in my life, and I owe Matty big-time 
. Also props to Dad and Selby for their great efforts too 
.
It started off with some army games. On a hired bus, we headed to the Swan Valley for Laser Corps which I can best define as Zone3 / Darklight except outdoors in camos. Along the way we were treated to an Andy Quiz by Matt, who had some real corker questions to start off what was to be the demise of my dignity. Back to the Laser Corps, there were a couple of guns to choose from, a sniper rifle style gun which had an accurate aim, and the other was a little bit bigger than an AK-47 without the barrel yet not quite as accurate as the sniper rifle. The teams were:
Latz, Ash, Dean, Selby, Will, Brett and yours truly vs Clint, Adrian, Brian, Dad, Matt, Uncle Keith and Rob.
The first game was basically a team death match, which resulted in a dead heat.
The second game was capture the flag which my team won defending the Australian flag. Latz had done some scouting and had sadly died in combat, but gave the remaining alive team members information that the majority of the opposition team members had gathered in one area a good 100 metres from their flag. Brett, Selby and Ash successfully defended our flag allowing Will, Dean and myself to take a run for the opposition’s flag. I was gunned down by Adrian in a desperate and defenseless attack on the flag. Will and Dean neutralised Adrian, allowing Will easy access to capture the opposition’s flag. We were victorious! The defensive game plan I devised was the obvious difference between the two teams, with the opposition’s strategy revolving around an impotent attack. Selby and Brett were instrumental in the victory, hanging back to pick off the enemy. Brian captured the flag, but it was returned by our defensive unit.
The third game we were flogged hands down in a game of Team Elimination. We were sitting ducks in a very open area of the battlefield that we thought would be a decent area to camp out, obviously not. All 7 of us were killed, with all 7 of the opposition remaining alive to clinch victory. I speak for myself but I couldn’t scope the enemies that were hitting me. Props to the opposition.
After Laser Corps, the beer was calling for some abuse, but first it was time for me to lose some dignity. Matt and Selby had bought a $3 dress from Good Sammy’s on Murray St. The dress was so shit I’m not sure that my Grandmother would wear it. Still, there I was decked out in my floral green dress, my Rbk pumps and a hard hat with a 12″ black dildo attached to it with tape. I paraded out from the dunny wearing my attire, modelling it for the lads who were all rolling on the floor piddling their pants. I felt a bit sorry for all the parents and children around, having to see the ugliest imitation female and Sinead O’Connoresque trans-gender Ando. The cameras were going off, I felt like a model on a catwalk, except sexier .
Mash Brewery were then subjected to an onslaught of debauchery. The reactions I got from my clothing were quite amusing, and words cannot summarise the feeling I had sporting my frock. With my partner (a brown skinned blow up doll nicknamed Divine Brown) and the dildo bobbing up and down on my head, I was a sight for sore eyes, but ultimately, I was the center of everyone else’s amusement. Lots of curious questions and photo opportunities were thrown at me, as well as requests for me to cross my legs when I sat or show what I had underneath the dress. Clint thought he’d kidnap my black beauty and take her for some rumpy pumpy in the nearby trees, while Will gave her the decency of a civilised conversation, and invited her back to his for a ‘coffee’. The cameras were still clicking, upon returning inside to Mash Brewery, the adjacent table of girls started showing me the stupid photos they had taken of me outside playing with Divine Brown. An aboriginal fellow, who was really good value came and sat with us and told us to send his Aunty home (referring to Divine) which we all found quite amusing. He also said he wondered where his penis had gotten to, and then discovered that it had made it onto the hard hat I was wearing. He requested we give it back to him. Ash spilt a pint everywhere, and a Hen’s group came in sporting a 3 foot inflatable dick that put the 12″ dildo to shame. I actually inflated the same 3 foot wang for Amy the night before for her Hens night, which had just started back at mine and Amy’s apartment. Clint was on fire, shutting down the annoying Hens group that had infiltrated the building, their behaviour was a lot worse than ours, and I have no doubts that they would have been asked to leave if they were a Bucks group.
West Swan Road was then subjected to some soliciting by yours truly. Matt had found some pig melons along the road, which became part of my now well endowed figure. The motorists on West Swan Road were treated to an illicit and gratuitous display of leg flashing and boob (melon) rubbing. Clint was again in fine form, doing his best to divert motorists attention to me. The melons soon became projectiles as I launched a melon in a grenade fashion towards the general direction of Clint. This was not very well received by the older gentlemen in the group, who pointed out to me that we were in fact on the door step of the Duckstein.
The Duckstein was not quite as amusing as Mash Brewery. The security guards asked that Divine be deflated, and that the dildo be put away. Upon entering the Duckstein, another Hens group requested I be photographed with them, I obliged. Clint was in fine form again cranking out 300 one liners, while Latz thought he’d stick up for me by using a dickhead as a leaning post to get up and buy a beer. Cheers Latz, I owe you one, those guys were idiots. They asked me to give them some Marilyn Monroe action which I denied. They taunted me asking if I was a man or a mouse, I replied asking if they were hetero or homo. My Uncle Neil got a bit fired up and quite frankly wanted to put their heads thru a window. We saw this as a good opportunity to head back to my parent’s house for some entertainment one could only class as adult.
On the way back from the Swan Valley, a quick detour was made to the street below mine and Amy’s apartment. I was in a drunken stupor and clambered up onto the shed of a first level apartment to get myself a little closer to the Hens group hanging over the balcony. It was such an amazing sight seeing all the ladies up on MY balcony . The poor lady on the second level was having kittens seeing my drunken mug standing just outside her window, she received an apology from me, and we jumped back on the bus and continued on to Clarkson. Thanks to Matt for the dacking, poor Paul and Brett got to see a nice dose of shrinkage 
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Cleo was our sexy, topless barmaid for the evening, providing us with amber fluid, some light hearted entertainment including Seinfeld quotes and unlimited perv opportunities. Cleo was an absolute pleasure to have at the Bucks Party, she was a warm and friendly girl, happy to chat with us all. The beef, chicken and sausages were fired up, and by now the booze was flowing once again. The night was about to get a whole lot more XXX rated, with the arrival of Ashlyn, our striptease for the night. In summary, Ashlyn can be best described as smoking hot. A sexy, devilish demeanor, with an equally hot body. Damn could she move, I was stripped down to my boyleg briefs by Ashlyn while she gave me the most erotic striptease I could have ever have wished for. I wont go into too much detail, but the photos on the Living Dolls site do not do her justice. Both my father and Matt were treated to their own 5 minute shows as Father of the Groom and Best Man respectively. To quote my father, Ashlyn had “the most finely shaped Labia Majora he had ever seen” hahaha!!! My personal highlight was sticking the vibrator deep into her with my mouth . Joel and Rhys rocked up at the right time to enjoy the female entertainment. I would recommend both Cleo and Ashlyn for any adult party you are wanting to throw. Check out the Living Dolls Site.
Cheers to Matty for making the day such a huge success, I honestly didn’t think we’d be able to cram so much entertainment into one day. Cheers to the boys for putting up their hard earned dosh for the entertainment and supplies.
Andy’s Bucks Party Honour Board in no particular order:
Matt
Clint
Brian
Adrian
Joel
Dad
Uncle Keith
Uncle Neil
Latz
Ash
Will
Dean
Selby
Brett
Rhys
Rob
Julian
Simon
And anyone else I forgot – props to you lads for making it such a hit.
Well done boys
