Ando

Life and freelance work have both been extremely hectic as of late. Now that I am finally coming to the end of a rather large stint, I will do a write up on my marriage to my beautiful wife Amy

November 4, 2007 was the date of our wedding, we were blessed with some amazing weather for our big day. The previous Sunday had been rather shoddy, around 19 degrees and raining. 7 days later, Spring had decided to kick in giving us 35 degrees and no clouds.

I crashed at Mum and Dad’s house the night before the wedding, as tradition states that you shouldn’t see your bride 24 hours before the wedding. Given that my Aunty, Uncle and Cousin had arrived from NZ for the wedding and were also staying with my parents, I awoke to a rather jovial atmosphere. Given my ability to function after burning the candle at both ends for the last 18 months, I thought I’d rise after only 6 hours sleep and get on with the day.

Looking to pass some time, my 7 year old Cousin Blake and I fired up Lego Star Wars on Dad’s PC, no surprises when his damn PC chucked a massive sad and crashed. I installed an old Radeon 9550 in his machine to replace the 9250, in what turned out to be a vain attempt to get the damn game working… I am looking forward to the day when he throws that hunk of junk out the window…

Mum headed over to Rob and Trish’s (Amy’s parents) house to get her makeup and hair done and to pick up the button hole flowers for my Groomsmen and I. Upon her return, I headed home with Uncle Ed and Blake who ended up getting his just desserts with a 20 minute go on Lego Star Wars on my beasty PC .

Ed and Blake headed back to Mum and Dad’s house, so I was left to my own devices.

Midday came, and my Groomsmen started to arrive. With the fridge stocked with beer, and Lego Star Wars loaded, Matt, Brett, Chris and myself began to nerd it up. We had a blast drinking Boags St George (my traditional weapon of choice) and walking C3PO into scorching hot lava. 1:00pm came, so I went for a shoe shine, shit, shave, shower. Upon exiting the bathroom, I was amused to find my Groomsmen looking at porn, typical…

Nicole McCluskey – our Wedding Photographer rocked up to take some shots of the boys and I getting suited up for the big day. I’d love to post up some of the photos but I’d be breaching copyright… Nonetheless, we had a great time with Nicole and she took some great shots. We continued to goof around and drink beer after Nicole had left and headed over to BP dressed up in our suits for some lunch, I was very surprised that we didn’t get any odd looks…

Latz arrived in his WRX to take us to Joondalup Resort so we quickly finished lunch and headed off to get me hitched. We arrived at the venue and already there were guests starting to arrive, even though the ceremony wasn’t scheduled to start until 4pm. My Groomsmen and I headed down to the marquee to be greeted by Lady Gloria Clayton, our Marriage Celebrant for the day. She quickly fixed up our button hole flowers as guests started to make their way to the paved area to watch the ceremony.

At 4:05pm, Amy’s Bridesmaids made their way down the red carpet to the applause of friends and family members.

The time had arrived for my beautiful Amy to walk down the red carpet. The Groomsmen turned their backs as tradition states that I should be the first one to see my bride.

I was taken aback by her beauty! She looked absolutely stunning. It was an emotional moment seeing Amy looking like a princess ready to marry me.

Amy was a bit spooked by all the bloody insects in the air, she got swamped, just like the rest of us, but it’s not the sort of thing you expect on your wedding day. Apart from the pesky insects, the day was perfect.

“Look there’s a bug!”

And so the formalities began, first an intro by the Celebrant and then into the important stuff. I was the first to say my vows:

“I, Andy, take you, Amy, to be my wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward.”

“In the presence of our family and friends here today, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful ninnew in good times and in bad, in joy as well as in sorrow, and I ask of you to do the same for me in my darkest hours when Carlton are getting thumped.”

“I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honour and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live. I love you.”

And then Amy, said her vows to me:

“Today I marry my soumate, the one I love deeply.”

“Andy, I choose you above all others to share my life with me.”

“I know that my love for you will continue to grow and that we will enjoy our lifetime together.”

“You bring so much joy into my life, I couldn’t imagine my life without my ninnew, I love you.”

Then we exchanged wedding rings and said “I do”.

We then signed our Wedding Certificate:

The Celebrant then introduced us as Mr and Mrs Jones for the first time, but before we could run off and start drinking more booze, our friends and family came to congratulate us.

We made our way over to the grassy area for some quick family photos before heading out on the golf carts for the much anticipated bridal party shots. I wish I could put some of the shots up, as Nicole did a brilliant job. Amy and I have some genuine keepsakes in the photos Nicole took for us and we’d recommend her services to anyone, not just for wedding photos, but for portraiture and the like.

Back at the Resort Reception Centre, the guests had all gathered under the Lakeview Marquee for some partying. The beer started flowing, followed by the champagne. Just before we headed into the reception, we had some photos taken on the stairs of the Resort.

We hired Roadshow DJs to MC the Wedding Reception, and they did a bloody good job. Our Bridal Party entered the reception to the tune of Queen “We Will Rock You”.

Then Amy and I entered the reception to the tune of Billy Idol “White Wedding”.

Lots of drinking and partying commenced With all kinds of crazy stuff happening.

I’ll update this post when I have some more photos of the Wedding Reception.

Stay tuned for more info, including pictures from the Goldcoast – Our awesome Honeymoon getaway adventure

First up, massive props to my little bro for organising such an awesome day of fun. It was probably the most fun I’d had in my life, and I owe Matty big-time . Also props to Dad and Selby for their great efforts too .

It started off with some army games. On a hired bus, we headed to the Swan Valley for Laser Corps which I can best define as Zone3 / Darklight except outdoors in camos. Along the way we were treated to an Andy Quiz by Matt, who had some real corker questions to start off what was to be the demise of my dignity. Back to the Laser Corps, there were a couple of guns to choose from, a sniper rifle style gun which had an accurate aim, and the other was a little bit bigger than an AK-47 without the barrel yet not quite as accurate as the sniper rifle. The teams were:

Latz, Ash, Dean, Selby, Will, Brett and yours truly vs Clint, Adrian, Brian, Dad, Matt, Uncle Keith and Rob.

The first game was basically a team death match, which resulted in a dead heat.

The second game was capture the flag which my team won defending the Australian flag. Latz had done some scouting and had sadly died in combat, but gave the remaining alive team members information that the majority of the opposition team members had gathered in one area a good 100 metres from their flag. Brett, Selby and Ash successfully defended our flag allowing Will, Dean and myself to take a run for the opposition’s flag. I was gunned down by Adrian in a desperate and defenseless attack on the flag. Will and Dean neutralised Adrian, allowing Will easy access to capture the opposition’s flag. We were victorious! The defensive game plan I devised was the obvious difference between the two teams, with the opposition’s strategy revolving around an impotent attack. Selby and Brett were instrumental in the victory, hanging back to pick off the enemy. Brian captured the flag, but it was returned by our defensive unit.

The third game we were flogged hands down in a game of Team Elimination. We were sitting ducks in a very open area of the battlefield that we thought would be a decent area to camp out, obviously not. All 7 of us were killed, with all 7 of the opposition remaining alive to clinch victory. I speak for myself but I couldn’t scope the enemies that were hitting me. Props to the opposition.

After Laser Corps, the beer was calling for some abuse, but first it was time for me to lose some dignity. Matt and Selby had bought a $3 dress from Good Sammy’s on Murray St. The dress was so shit I’m not sure that my Grandmother would wear it. Still, there I was decked out in my floral green dress, my Rbk pumps and a hard hat with a 12″ black dildo attached to it with tape. I paraded out from the dunny wearing my attire, modelling it for the lads who were all rolling on the floor piddling their pants. I felt a bit sorry for all the parents and children around, having to see the ugliest imitation female and Sinead O’Connoresque trans-gender Ando. The cameras were going off, I felt like a model on a catwalk, except sexier .

Mash Brewery were then subjected to an onslaught of debauchery. The reactions I got from my clothing were quite amusing, and words cannot summarise the feeling I had sporting my frock. With my partner (a brown skinned blow up doll nicknamed Divine Brown) and the dildo bobbing up and down on my head, I was a sight for sore eyes, but ultimately, I was the center of everyone else’s amusement. Lots of curious questions and photo opportunities were thrown at me, as well as requests for me to cross my legs when I sat or show what I had underneath the dress. Clint thought he’d kidnap my black beauty and take her for some rumpy pumpy in the nearby trees, while Will gave her the decency of a civilised conversation, and invited her back to his for a ‘coffee’. The cameras were still clicking, upon returning inside to Mash Brewery, the adjacent table of girls started showing me the stupid photos they had taken of me outside playing with Divine Brown. An aboriginal fellow, who was really good value came and sat with us and told us to send his Aunty home (referring to Divine) which we all found quite amusing. He also said he wondered where his penis had gotten to, and then discovered that it had made it onto the hard hat I was wearing. He requested we give it back to him. Ash spilt a pint everywhere, and a Hen’s group came in sporting a 3 foot inflatable dick that put the 12″ dildo to shame. I actually inflated the same 3 foot wang for Amy the night before for her Hens night, which had just started back at mine and Amy’s apartment. Clint was on fire, shutting down the annoying Hens group that had infiltrated the building, their behaviour was a lot worse than ours, and I have no doubts that they would have been asked to leave if they were a Bucks group.

West Swan Road was then subjected to some soliciting by yours truly. Matt had found some pig melons along the road, which became part of my now well endowed figure. The motorists on West Swan Road were treated to an illicit and gratuitous display of leg flashing and boob (melon) rubbing. Clint was again in fine form, doing his best to divert motorists attention to me. The melons soon became projectiles as I launched a melon in a grenade fashion towards the general direction of Clint. This was not very well received by the older gentlemen in the group, who pointed out to me that we were in fact on the door step of the Duckstein.

The Duckstein was not quite as amusing as Mash Brewery. The security guards asked that Divine be deflated, and that the dildo be put away. Upon entering the Duckstein, another Hens group requested I be photographed with them, I obliged. Clint was in fine form again cranking out 300 one liners, while Latz thought he’d stick up for me by using a dickhead as a leaning post to get up and buy a beer. Cheers Latz, I owe you one, those guys were idiots. They asked me to give them some Marilyn Monroe action which I denied. They taunted me asking if I was a man or a mouse, I replied asking if they were hetero or homo. My Uncle Neil got a bit fired up and quite frankly wanted to put their heads thru a window. We saw this as a good opportunity to head back to my parent’s house for some entertainment one could only class as adult.

On the way back from the Swan Valley, a quick detour was made to the street below mine and Amy’s apartment. I was in a drunken stupor and clambered up onto the shed of a first level apartment to get myself a little closer to the Hens group hanging over the balcony. It was such an amazing sight seeing all the ladies up on MY balcony . The poor lady on the second level was having kittens seeing my drunken mug standing just outside her window, she received an apology from me, and we jumped back on the bus and continued on to Clarkson. Thanks to Matt for the dacking, poor Paul and Brett got to see a nice dose of shrinkage .

Cleo was our sexy, topless barmaid for the evening, providing us with amber fluid, some light hearted entertainment including Seinfeld quotes and unlimited perv opportunities. Cleo was an absolute pleasure to have at the Bucks Party, she was a warm and friendly girl, happy to chat with us all. The beef, chicken and sausages were fired up, and by now the booze was flowing once again. The night was about to get a whole lot more XXX rated, with the arrival of Ashlyn, our striptease for the night. In summary, Ashlyn can be best described as smoking hot. A sexy, devilish demeanor, with an equally hot body. Damn could she move, I was stripped down to my boyleg briefs by Ashlyn while she gave me the most erotic striptease I could have ever have wished for. I wont go into too much detail, but the photos on the Living Dolls site do not do her justice. Both my father and Matt were treated to their own 5 minute shows as Father of the Groom and Best Man respectively. To quote my father, Ashlyn had “the most finely shaped Labia Majora he had ever seen” hahaha!!! My personal highlight was sticking the vibrator deep into her with my mouth . Joel and Rhys rocked up at the right time to enjoy the female entertainment. I would recommend both Cleo and Ashlyn for any adult party you are wanting to throw. Check out the Living Dolls Site.

Cheers to Matty for making the day such a huge success, I honestly didn’t think we’d be able to cram so much entertainment into one day. Cheers to the boys for putting up their hard earned dosh for the entertainment and supplies.

Andy’s Bucks Party Honour Board in no particular order:

Matt
Clint
Brian
Adrian
Joel
Dad
Uncle Keith
Uncle Neil
Latz
Ash
Will
Dean
Selby
Brett
Rhys
Rob
Julian
Simon

And anyone else I forgot – props to you lads for making it such a hit.

Well done boys